I should like it to resemble some deep old desk, or capacious hold-all, in which one flings a mass of odds and ends without looking them through. (Virginia Woolf) We become ourselves through others, and the self is a porous thing, not a sealed container (Siri Hustvedt) En vez de mirarme en mi espejo quiero que mi espejo se mire en mí (Alejandra Pizarnik)
* to know a lot of people I love pieces of, and to want to synthesize those pieces in me somehow, be it by painting or writing * to know that millions of others are unhappy and that life is a gentleman’s agreement to grin and paint your face gay so others will feel they are silly to be unhappy, and try to match the contagion of joy, while inside so many are dying of bitterness and unfulfillment * to take a walk with Marcia Brown and love her for her exuberance, to catch some of it, because it’s real, and once again love life day by day, color by color, touch by touch, because you’ve got a body & mind to exercise, and that is your lot, to exercise & use it as much as you can, never mind whose got a better or worse body & mind, but stretch yours as far as you can * to know that it’s four twenty-three o’clock by the watch you got for graduation and that in three days you have your first mid year exam and that you’d much rather read anything but what you have to, but you do have to, and you will, although you’ve already wasted two hours writing stream-of-consciousness stuff in here when your stream isn’t even much to brag about, after all.
The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath. Anchor, 2000.